wishing i felt better

I don’t feel well today, which is unfortunate since we came to the beach rental for the week today.  It’s amazing to be right on the beach.  Any time I ever stayed at the beach before I never had the good fortune to stay right on the beach.  So this is a real treat!  Understandably I wish I felt better so I could fully enjoy it.  Thank, G*D we’ll be here all week.

Tomorrow is my Mom’s birthday.  I will not be celebrating it with her since she will be spending the day with my siblings.  I have been thinking a lot about the current status of my relationships with my siblings over the last few days.  I’m sure it is because of my mother’s birthday.  It saddens me to feel the gap between us growing wider with each passing day.  The more time that passes, the greater my desire to stay distant.  You know, it’s funny how they are completely unable to see that it is their own actions which fuel my desire to not meet with the directors of my Mom’s facility or discuss the financial arrangements.  At this point, they will do whatever they must to keep my mother happy so anything I do will be helping them and not her.  Ugh!  It all just seems so petty when I sit here and write about it.  I can’t help them anyway.

I find myself writing things tonight and then deleting them.  I feel like I want to write yet don’t care for what comes up.  Maybe it’s because I don’t feel well.  Perhaps I should just call it a day and blog when my head is clearer.